Wednesday, September 21, 2005

women are crazy

Ok... not all of them I admit, but there sure are a handful out there that really give the rest a bad rep.

Case in point, my wife has been increasingly upset that her old friends, who are obviously of a different mind, can be so mean and petty to her. Trying to watch as a semiobjective third party, I don't get it. My wife has a blog (you don't have to be clever to find the connection) and has been posting on it for around 9 months I think. Anyway, one of her earliest posts was her offense that Target would sell shirts that are effectively "Pro Epidural", implying that people don't have natural child births and just passing off the assisted birth as the only way to do it. Of course, anyone who HAD an epidural might see that she is saying epidurals are bad and think she is attacking them. Of course this came out in the follow up comments and she tried to explain that it was about corporations making irresponsible decisions like that. Anyway... big issue, it seemed to piss off these old friends of hers.

Since that initial post, she has not had one single positive, supportive, optimstic post from them (there were only two people and they didn't post a lot anyway.) Anyway... somehow they have placed her as the enemy and never tried to look past their difference in her opinions. They either stopped commenting, one alleging that she got hives because it all stressed her out so bad, and the other just silently fading. All 3 are a bit crazy, though I already know that about my wife, this particular case does not lend to her particular brand of craziness. She has never judged them for their choices, and it has caused her a ton of stress and heartache to think that they would periodically show up and post 'anonymously' to make sniping remarks about what she says. Even if she isn't controversial, she got attacked for NOT posting about 9/11 on 9/11. This comment was out of the blue from one of the two trying to be anonymous (though you can tell where posts come from in her counter for the site.) She saw who it really was and was both outraged and hurt again.

After a smattering of these mean spirited comments from friends AT their childhood friend, she finally called them out... sort of. She just posted that she could tell who they were... the posts stopped and haven't returned. Around the same time, she sent an email to one of them, the one she had always felt the closest to and thought that they were best friends through thick and thin, just accepting each other for who they are. She said she felt sad that they would resort to this and that they wouldn't just talk to her. Well... yesterday she got a response.

The email effectivly said, "...we differ in almost every opinion she (my wife) ever posted about. i wish i could apologize for posting anonymously (which isn't the same as saying "i'm sorry for posting"). we have to agree to disagree. i guess this is goodbye."

In one simple paragraph, this near lifelong friend managed to brush my wife off. Write her off as a friend, fuck her for thinking differently, if I see ya I see ya.

Needless to say, my wife was distraught. This caught me offguard as well. This girl had always seemed to be so nice and accepting of my wife and her choices, but in 9 months, over some different parenting styles, she managed to end it. I was distraught then as well, how can someone be like this? There was no correspondence about their differing opinions, they would periodically email daily stuff, but this girl never commented when Ava (my daughter) was sick or going to the hospital, when anything trying was going on in Amy's life there were no words of encouragement. Its like, by way of my wife's blog, this friend has slowly been building up a hatred of my wife and family.

I don't get this. I have a best friend whom I love dearly, I talk to him rarely, he is a fuckin republican, but if he called me tomorrow and said things were going sour in his life, I would be there for him. When we talk, I don't get all lefty, he doesn't go all righty, or we just joke when it comes up. Its not that fucking hard to talk about different things. I ask about his daughter, he asks about mine, I don't say 'she should be in cloth diapers to him', he doesn't say 'she should be getting all of the scheduled vaccinations. ITS THAT EASY.

I'm still sort of numb. Are all women this irrational in dealing with differing opionions? Is it this easy for all women to go from kind, caring friend to mega-bitch hater? Please tell me that this girl is just having a mental breakdown and its not the norm. Please? (I fear for my daughter if this is not the case.)


At 9/21/2005 2:37 PM, Blogger Jody said...

i'm not sure what an opinionion is... i think its an opinionated onion.

At 9/21/2005 3:22 PM, Blogger JMS said...

I'll be sending Amy an e-mail tomorrow.

At 9/21/2005 4:04 PM, Blogger Jody said...

ok, though i don't really think that was my intent...

tho i have to say, please be nice, you guys attack her all the time (honestly look at the posts you make) you don't have to agree with her, but you don't have to tear her down either. just love her as friends should

At 9/22/2005 8:42 PM, Blogger Amy said...

I have never met Amy, but I read her blog and if I'm a normal, mature woman, I would think that most are NOT like these life long "friends" who have dropped her like a hot potato.

I totally respect anyone's decision to parent differently or have overall lifestyle philosophies that are different. I read one woman's blog who is vegan. I eat meat and I post about it, and while she doesn't comment on my cuisine posts, she comments on others. I even tell her how delicious her vegan recipes sound!

I also vaccinate my baby, but I respect anyone's decision not to. Bottom line is, mature women respect one another. Too bad you all are in Colorado -- Amy'd make a great friend!

At 9/22/2005 9:24 PM, Blogger Rowan said...

I've had the misfortune to observe this behavior, as well. While it is an unfortunate turn of events at this time; it may make your lives lighter, in the long run, to be rid of the baggage.

I've had to say good-bye to friends over the years. There are many reasons. Perhaps they were too self destructive. Maybe our opinions were too much to handle. There were others that I couldn't have a mature relationship with because we'd developed our friendships as self absorbed teens. Whatever the reason is, it hurts, but is sometimes necessary.

The friendships that have remained are the one's I have always treasured most. I agree with is too bad that you are not closer. I'd love to go for hikes and meetings together. I enjoy her blog & am beginning to enjoy yours.

Please rest assured. We're not all crazy -- all the time

At 10/05/2005 8:24 AM, Anonymous Nancy Scislowicz said...

"Do you know what people are most afraid of? What they don't understand. And when we don't understand, we turn to our assumptions." This comment by Sean Connery in "Finding Forrester" reminds me alot of what's happening to Amy and her friends. If they don't understand or even LIKE what she's doing with her life/family, they can at least respect her and her decisions as friends. WE LOVE YOU AMY!!! KEEP UP THE AWESOME GREAT WORK THAT YOU'RE DOING!

At 10/05/2005 2:23 PM, Blogger Happy Mom Tonja said...

I think your wife is a lovely person as I accidently found her blog a few weeks ago and I'm hooked! She is the one who opened my mind to my own crunchy mommy ways!! I love her views on parenting and she seems like a great person/mom/wife and FRIEND! I would be honored to have her for a friend and these women should be ashamed! I think maybe they are jealous of your wife. Or maybe something is going sour in their own lives? Whatever the case, I'm saddened that your wife has to loose such lifelong friends, but if you look at the big picture, how good of friends are they?
How's Ava boo boo? Glad your family had a great time on vacation!

At 10/05/2005 4:59 PM, Blogger amygeekgrl said...

I truly appreciate all the nice comments here. Thank you all for accepting me for me. :)

Amy and Rowan - I wish we all did live closer.

Aunt Nancy - That was very well put. Thank you.

happy mom tonja - Glad to hear you enjoy my blog. Ava's boo boo is much better. I don't think you can even see the bruise anymore. Amazing how fast kids heal. Thanks for asking. :)


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